Sexual abuse is vastly under-reported due to the shame, humiliation, and challenges in finding justice. Current published statistics report that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their eighteenth birthday. These ratios are too abstract and far too easy to believe. They are for those other communities, other families, not mine.

According to the most recent census completed in 2020, 22.1% of the total population were children under the age of 18 (73,250,291), with 51.1% being boys and 48.9% being girls. Doing the math, that means 6,238,483 boys and 8,954,848 girls are victims of child sexual abuse, or over 15 million children, just in the United States.

These concrete numbers are also challenging to wrap our heads around. Who can imagine fifteen million children as sexual abuse survivors? To put this number into perspective, imagine the population of the entire state of New York with approximately 5,000 residents NOT a victim of child sexual abuse.

Another current statistic is there are approximately 145,000 adults incarcerated for sex crimes involving children. Dividing the number of children victimized by the number of perpetrators incarcerated means each perpetrator would have abused 105 victims each. Obviously, this is an unrealistic number, which illustrates the vast amount of perpetrators that are NOT incarcerated.

These numbers did not mean anything to me when I chose to break the law. My daughter was abused by one person, her father, the man who was supposed to love and protect her.

My choice to go into hiding came down to a lack of physical evidence, being told that a three-year-old was not a viable witness since she could not attest to a specific date, time, and place of the abuse, and a court-appointed therapist requiring a three-year-old to confront her abuser, her father, on her first visit without my knowledge or consent.

After working with therapists, Child Protective Services, police departments, and the district attorney, my choice became easy. If the system was not able to protect my daughter, I had to.

“Why didn’t you just leave?” “Why didn’t you just speak up?” How many times do victims of abuse or assault hear these questions? Choosing to stay or choosing to leave is complex and full of consequences either way. Often, the answers to these questions are, “I stayed to protect the children.” Or “Remaining silent kept me protected.” Or “We don’t talk about such things.”

Maybe you experienced sexual abuse as a child and never told anyone, or maybe your mother or father knew and did nothing to protect you. Maybe you are a mother who still feels enormous guilt because you felt at the time you had no choice but to stay. Or maybe, you are a fellow traveler who made a similar choice to protect your children.

This is my story before, during, and after the journey. My hope in writing my story is that by reading about my journey, your choices will be made easier, your healing will be deepened, and, possibly, the way will be paved for you to tell your story

Solving the crisis of child sexual abuse cannot be accomplished one victim at a time. Nor can it be done 15 million at a time. There must be deep systemic change.

It is time to talk about such things. It is time to speak up loud and strong. Silence has no power here. Imagine having the strength, power, and resilience of every survivor’s voice come together to create the changes that are required to protect every child from child sexual abuse.

Support the mission. Share the message. Protect the next child.

This isn’t just a book. It’s a testimony. A reckoning. A hand extended to anyone who has ever asked, “Why didn’t you just leave?”

When you back this campaign, you’re not just helping publish Drabaca. You’re helping tell the truth—and get it into the hands of people who need to hear it.